Somewhere Inbetween.


All My Friends OR: Why I’m Dreading College

I’m a real downer tonight, so I figured I’d get it all out, but this is the only form I’d be able to do so without being judged harshly (or as harshly as I would on, say, Facebook). In approximately 9 days, my best friends— whom I consider family— will be leaving for college. Now, normally, I wouldn’t mind this. Except I’m stuck in this hell hole of a town in a sub-par university with an extremely boring campus. All of my friends are all going to the same schools, without me. I don’t know why this bothers me as much as it does, and frankly, it irritates me that it does bother me. But my horrible mind’s rationale for hating that fact is that they’re going to be having all the fun together and without me. This is, admittedly, very selfish on my part. The thing is, I’m so used to hearing all these stories from people in college and how great it is, how many friends they’ve made, how cool their dorm is, what the campus is like. They go in completely blind and get to have an amazing experience in a strange and wonderful place. And I’ll be here, sitting at my desk at my house that I grew up in. Doing the same exact things I’ve done in high school, and getting no experience whatsoever. Meanwhile, the people I care about are hundreds of miles away from me having all the fun. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. I’m extremely lucky to be able to even go to college, and especially one that has a nanotechnology program. But I’ve never been less excited for anything in my life. I know that the minute I start school, my life is going to be nothing like it was. I work weekends, and have class during the week so that’s basically my life gone. All work and no play. While all my friends are enjoying themselves, I’ll be here, sitting at my desk, doing the same old same old. Christ knows if anything will be the same after college. They’ll all make new friends and forget about me, I’ll just be extra baggage for them. That’s the pity of getting close to people. When you actually begin to realize how much you care for these people, you don’t realize that there’s a very good chance that you’ll drift apart. And you say it could never happen to you, and then it hits you like a ton of bricks. You lose the people you cared about and then they, and all the memories that come with them, are just that. Memories. In my life, certain music can reflect exactly how I’m feeling at that time. For instance, “All My Friends” by LCD Soundsystem sums this up pretty well for me. “To tell the truth, this could be the last time” hits home to me, because I know the last time I’m with my friends is coming up in less than two weeks, and it very well could be the last time I ever see them. The song ends with the repeated line: “If I could see all my friends tonight”. That’s what my life is going to become. If I could see all the people that made me so unbelievably happy and satisfied, and the ones that I made all of my memories with, things wouldn’t be so bad. 

I just stared at my keyboard for 10 minutes. I’ve got nothing else to say. 

I’m going to bed.

when ur mom comes home early and u gotta change back from ur shark form QUICK



(via pawneegoddesscomplex)

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